Despite having a fraction of the budget of Rent and being a made-for-TV movie, 2004’s Too Cool For Christmas is a far more interesting proposition for some really surprising reasons. The plot of this family comedy is pretty standard teen movie fare - a mollycoddled, fashion-obsessed teen, who would much rather be ski-ing with her similarly spoiled pals than spend the holidays with her loving family, ends up giving the local mall Santa a makeover in an attempt to show she can be a good person. Yep, it’s a Christmas Clueless, but instead of Alicia Silverstone’s ditzy valley girl, we have Canadian TV veteran Brooke Nevin giving Santa, rather than a classmate, a new look.
This one’s aimed at tweens, so the script and humour are nowhere near as sharp as Amy Heckerling’s 1995 classic but it’s still a satisfying, fresh take on the Christmas movie formula. The big news about this one, though, is that it was actually surreptitiously released in two separate versions - a ‘gay’ one and a ‘straight’ one! In the version I watch, filmed for Canadian audiences, teen drama queen Lindsay has two gay dads, while the alternate version, released in the U.S. (titled A Very Cool Christmas) switches them out for a hetero couple. It’s flabbergasting.
Hardly anyone noticed or cared about this at the time, however a Youtube video comparing the two films went viral in 2019 when it was discovered both had the exact same story with the straight mom/gay dad delivering exactly the same lines. Director Sam Irvin has said that it was too difficult to get funding for a family film featuring same-sex parents back in 2004, so came up with the ‘two versions’ concept as an uneasy compromise. The ‘straight’ version could be sold to any networks that wanted it, while the ‘queer’ one ended up on HERE TV, a network specialising in LGBT content. Brilliantly, Irvin has explained that he successfully pushed back against the networks who wanted to alter the dialogue for the ‘mom’ scenes, the openly gay director arguing that everything had to be the same in both films. He also argued against the idea of making the dialogue for the two dads “gayer”, whatever that might mean. His point? None of this should matter. Brilliant.
The ‘gay’ version is notable for deliberately not making any sort of big deal about Lindsay’s parents being same sex. It’s never mentioned and nobody ever draws any attention to it, which pleases me no end and must’ve been pretty cool back then. I’m glad to see that modern day kids’ TV has really caught up, with representation for a vast spectrum of gender identities and sexual preferences, not to mention race, religion and body image. I’m so glad sometimes to see the wide array of people represented whenever Amelia watches Cbeebies - so many groups that simply didn’t get a look in when I was a kid.
I should really mention that this is also a perfectly decent film in its own right. Nevin has real star quality as shallow Lindsey who’s obsessed with image, Gucci handbags, dieting and that sad old mantra of “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” towards Anderson (Ryan McDonnell), the cute boy she adores. As a reaction against accusations of superficiality from her best friend, she vows to do a good, selfless deed, pledging to give the local mall Santa a ‘man-ovation’ so that his “Mrs Claus” will appreciate him more. You can bet your behind that he turns out to be the real Santa (man, that guy gets about),having Lindsay eventually join him on a wacky Christmas Eve gift-giving adventure in a flying convertible where lessons are learned etc etc.
The film has something to say about rampant consumerism and family values at Christmas time too. Oddly, Lindsay’s nemesis, a mall security-guard named Chuck (Michael Gelbart) tries to get her parents to sign a ‘banning order’, prohibiting her from entering the mall. He does this by appealing to her dads’ sense of family togetherness, insinuating that shopping and image-obsession is distancing teens from their parents. Tellingly, her parents don’t go for it, a reminder that real happiness is all about finding the perfect balance in life, rather than completely forbidding things.It’s refreshing for a Christmas film to laud consumerism, albeit in moderation.
So, this is a slightly more complex movie than you might expect, though you could accuse the film of being as shallow as the people it tries to skewer, considering Santa and his missus find happiness via a makeover. Mind you, Santa (George Hamilton) scrubs up good and, for me, this is really just a well-meaning film about two people who are polar opposites learning a little something from each other about how to be better people. Isn’t that cool?
I feel I might be the only person in the world to have put this much thought into analysing this little made-for TV film but then I guess that’s what this festive movie quest has done to me. I feel I can find positives in places where most people would likely overlook or dismiss completely. Plus, after the hell that was Rent, this undemanding but pleasant little flick was a breath of fresh air.
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