The next festive turkey is one that I’d always struggled to believe could be anywhere near as bad as everyone said. Well blow me over, if The Star Wars Holiday Special isn’t even worse than I ever imagined. Star Wars creator George Lucas famously wanted nothing to do with this two hour long 1978 TV special that was rushed into production to capitalise on Episode IV’s runaway success, so the studio drafted in Steve Binder to make this thing that has gradually gained a ‘so bad it’s good’ cult reputation. Aired just once, it was instantly disowned by Star Wars diehards, as well as Lucas himself, who stood in the way of it ever seeing any cinematic or physical release. Bootlegs have circulated and of course it’s wound up online where everyone is free to have a right good laugh at its awfulness.
All the main cast from the blockbuster film appear, new characters are introduced and a slew of celebrities appear in weird cameos, including Bea Arthur, Diahann Caroll and rockers Jefferson Starship. How could it be that bad? Well, I’m no huge Star Wars fan but I can confirm that it is absolute shite.
The film can’t decide if it wants to be a cheesy ‘70s TV variety show or an action-packed Star Wars sequel and fails badly at both. It’s campy and kitsch but also unforgivably dreary and monotonous. The ‘plot’ involves Han Solo (Harrison Ford) trying to get Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) back to his Wookie home planet for “Life Day”, which is Star Wars Christmas, I guess. We meet Chewie’s extended Wookie family through tedious extended scenes documenting Wookie life as they prepare for the big holiday. Imaging long, dialogue-free stretches of dudes in hairy costumes mucking about the house, communicating only in grunts and growls - with no subtitles.
We occasionally cut to our heroes Luke (Mark Hamill), Leia (Carrie Fisher) and the rest, who make video calls to the family to see how they’re getting on. All seem thoroughly disinterested.
Any actual cool starship footage has been lifted from the original film and just overdubbed with new dialogue. This includes the one and only appearance of Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) who gets a bit angry but doesn’t do much. It all feels like a cheap trick to play on the fans who must have been worked into a frenzy by the promise of a new Star Wars adventure.
Interspersed throughout are risible ‘variety’ segments. Chewie’s kid watches a holographic acrobat performing a dance routine that goes on forever. Jefferson Starship rock out to one of their more forgettable numbers for a bit. Carrie Fisher sings a song to the Star Wars theme. Chewie’s dad ‘Itchy’ watches a weird ‘virtual reality’ performance by Diahann Carroll that makes me wonder how it made it past the censors. Itchy gasps and groans while Caroll breathlessly tells him she’s “his fantasy” and “his pleasure” and so on. It’s weird, pervy and oh so wrong.
Many critics have argued that the film's saving grace is a short animated section that introduces fan favourite Boba Fett but, to be honest, I find that part amateurish and terrible as well. The animation is crass and ugly and the voice performances sound flat and indifferent.
I'm with George - the Force is definitely not strong with this one, though I am pleased to discover that Carrie Fisher can really sing.
Comments