Lurking in the darkest depths of Prime Video is the staggeringly inept The Grump Who Stole Christmas (2018), a bizarre little CGI animated film that seems like it was knocked up by someone at home in their bedroom. Honestly, the whole thing looks like in-game graphics from a particularly shoddy bargain basement Playstation game from the mid-‘90s. I actually really admire the balls of the people who made this and thought they could pass it off as a heart-warming seasonal adventure for all the family.
It's all about a rebellious reindeer named Larry who thinks he could do a better job than Santa, but soon finds out it’s a tough gig. So, when a mischievous magical creature known as The Grump casts a spell that lets Larry swap places with his toy maker boss, the reindeer makes a mess of things and has to embark on a quest to set things right and Save Christmas.
The visuals are really crude and, again, the voice dubbing is terrible, like this wasn’t originally made in English. It’s very jarring to watch, as a lot of the CGI characters don’t look quite finished and all appear to have been rendered in very different visual styles, not looking like they belong together in the same film. It’s like they were all unused avatars for a bunch of very different , rubbish video games that someone decided to throw together to make a cheap buck. In fact, I’m almost certain this is what happened.
This was directed by James Snider, a shady character who’s been involved in a lot of similarly shoddy stuff, mostly knock-offs and rip-offs with titles like Avenger Dogs Christmas and The Funny World of Pets. His company WowNow Entertainment are somehow able to churn out around 30 films like this a year. I have no idea who is watching, though the images on IMDB seem to indicate they rehash most of the same dodgy CGI characters in all of their films.
Santa’s elves are hideous, toothy creatures and Santa’s eyes make him look drunk or insane, though the reindeer look alright and quite cuddly. Then there’s ‘Soren the Christmas Cicada,’ a bug that’s meant to be cute but really looks like an eerie little Ribena berry. There’s a dragon that pops up at one point too for some reason.
Santa’s village looks strangely deserted all the time, like the filmmakers couldn’t be bothered animating any more stuff. It’s hard to concentrate on the plot when it all looks so weird.
However, the story is at least quite original. The titular Grump is a big warthog-type thing named ‘The Mighty Bunion’ who has an big chunky robot sidekick thing named Clunk, and who wants to ruin Christmas because he thinks this will make him an ‘even more famous holiday villain than Scrooge!’ It appears this was written by a lunatic, with very little of it making much sense. Like, people actually went to work every day to make this thing.
At one point someone warns The Grump that “You should trim your beard” before Santa gets here. Now, not only is this just a weird thing to say in any context, but The Grump also doesn’t have a beard. There is no reason for anyone to say this. Later, I have to struggle not to punch the screen when he’s asked to ‘stop getting his beard in a knot.’ A lot of the dialogue sounds like the voice artists just made a load of random stuff up as they went along, deliberately choosing the most irritating voices and accents they could come up with. It’s as if they knew nobody would be watching, so just decided to have a laugh.
The film’s crappy stock jingle bell music also stops and restarts frequently during ‘scenes.’ It’s very noticeable.
The characters also don’t move much and never interact with each other. They just sort of stand there and talk at each other. Like I said, it’s like watching someone else play a really crappy old videogame. Larry and Soren just sort of slowly wander around a bit on their way to meet The Grump who has summoned them ‘telepathically.’ At one point they talk to some penguins. There is no action. Not much happens.
It is compelling in a strange sort of ‘where the hell is all this going?’ kind of way, but it’s about as much fun as having a tooth pulled. My child has subjected me to some seriously odd, shoddy, nonsensical stuff on Youtube over the years, but this is right up there. The Grump sounds like an infuriating amalgam of Borat and Yoda and says choice things like ‘what about my wind-up mechanic seagull that shoots poop?’ Later he will mention his ‘yak wool detective hat.’
In the end, Larry will tell Santa this whole episode was down to him sleepwalking. I’m not sure Santa buys it. The film also can’t be bothered to show Santa and Larry saving Christmas. We just cut to the reindeer sitting around congratulating each other and talking about how it all went ‘without a hitch.’ Fade to black.
However, being honest, this nonsense does really cheer me up. My back is in agony today, so I’ve been miserable, but the brazenness and downright oddness of this one made it strangely enjoyable, purely in a WTF? kind of way. It is mind-bendingly dumbfounding and I’m not even sure it actually counts as a movie. Amazon appears to have a policy of buying up any old rubbish and sticking it on there in the hopes that some idiot will watch it. Meet that idiot.
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