My next festive flick is most definitely a bona fide dud. 2004’s Surviving Christmas has a premise that seems like it could have been successful, had they managed to lure in the right lead. You feel the role of over-enthusiastic delusional rich douchebag executive Drew, who pays the residents of his old childhood home to pretend they're his family, would have been a smashing fit for an experienced funnyman like Adam Sandler or Ryan Reynolds. Sadly, they went with a completely miscast Ben Affleck (Chasing Amy) and his attempt at a 'humorous' performance is excruciating.
I don't harbour the same level of hate towards Affleck that others have, firmly believing that in the right role he can work magic. Look at Dogma, The Accountant, The Town, yeah, even Reindeer Games. But here? Something is truly, horribly wrong. He's trying too hard to be manic, overzealous and just flat out cerazzzzy, but none of it works. The high-pitched squeals, the permanently smug grin - it's a case of a decent actor overreaching, straying out of his comfort zone and failing miserably.
It is a fun concept, this idea of a lonely millionaire buying this family's love so he can have a happy Christmas, but they don't do much with it and a talented cast are squandered on turgid material that apparently took four writers to conjure up. James Gandolfini as Tom is excellent when seething and glowering menacingly, which is understandable if idiot Drew turned up at your door. Trouble is that he and the ridiculously talented Catherine O'Hara as his wife Christine don't get to play much more than standard working class folks with obligatory marriage issues that Drew will somehow help fix, despite being a total moron. Christina Applegate is similarly wasted as their eldest daughter Alicia who has zero tolerance for Drew's obnoxiousness but inexplicably falls in love with him.
Though the idea of Drew bribing total strangers to act like his own family does lead to a few quirky ideas - Tony Soprano joylessly carol singing, anyone? - more discomfort and alleged 'comedy' is derived from his meddling in Tom and Christine's sex life. O'Hara deserves better than being dressed in a succession of silly 'erotic' outfits for a grotty photo shoot.
The hardest part to swallow is that, after being entirely punchable for 80 minutes, Drew becomes the film's hero. I'm not buying it, nor do I accept the film's iffy moral that money can buy you happiness. Surviving Christmas is an overcooked Christmas turkey that makes 2020's family-distancing festive Covid restrictions seem like a pretty sweet deal. I watch this on my first day back to work after some time off and it puts me in a sour mood for the day. Damn you, Affleck.
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