I have vague, hazy, almost dream-like memories of watching 1985’s Santa Claus: The Movie as a young boy. Images of elves making toys and passing presents along a big line to an insistent, marching Christmassy beat. Dudley Moore making bad elf puns. John Lithgow doing what he does best and being really bloody evil. I don’t remember much else other than a kid in leathers trying his best to act hard but not pulling it off.
I haven’t seen this since I was really wee but over the years have somehow convinced myself that it was a classic yet without being able to remember a great deal about it. Turns out that, despite its title hinting that this will be the definitive take on Santa, it’s pretty mediocre, though not totally without its moments.
This one was produced by the team that brought us Christopher Reeve’s Superman movies and Jeannot Szwarc, the director of 1984’s Supergirl, so they have a decent track record with legendary heroes who fly through the sky. The blue-screen flying reindeer scenes here certainly feel very Superman-y and, for their time at least, are very well done.
David Huddlestone makes for an excellent, cuddly Santa, while bringing pathos to the role. We meet him when he’s still just a lonely peasant man in days of yore. He and Mrs Claus (Judy Cornwell) whittle cute wooden toys for needy orphans and also have a thing for dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh. One night, while stranded in a nasty snow storm, the Clauses are rescued by a troupe of helpful elves who invite them to come live at the North Pole where they can make toys forever.
As a grown-up, I find this bit exceedingly creepy, as it seems like the elves give them no choice in the matter and when they casually inform him that, oh yeah, now he will “live forever”, it’s a bit frightening. They’ve essentially been kidnapped but they seem cool with it. Rocky’s Burgess Meredith is an ancient old elf who gives Santa the job handover, while Dudley Moore is Patch, the head worker elf whose brain is bursting with amazing, way ahead of their time ideas, like alarm clocks and central heating.
Eventually, we jump forward a few centuries and Patch, desperate to curry a now jaded Santa’s favour, speeds up his fangled production line and mucks things up, sending defective toys all across the world. Disgraced, he runs off to New York where he hooks up with Lithgow’s crooked, unscrupulous toy magnate B.Z. who makes dangerous toys and only cares about making money, the bastard. He even makes bears stuffed with razors! The monster.
Lithgow hams it up gloriously as B.Z. and I have so much fun watching him crank that evil git voice of his up to eleven while he chomps on cigars. It’s a thinly sketched character but Lithgow makes up for it with some serious scowly, cackling villain mega-acting.
There are some great scenes with kids enjoying Patch’s best invention - candy that makes children fly! The part with a little ghetto kid doing a slam-dunk gives me delightful flashbacks to when I first saw this and really wished it could be me.
The effects are ace, with shots of Santa soaring across the N.Y.C. skyline proving particularly magical, with no CGI in sight. However, the plot is a little dry and lacks conflict. B.Z. is a great baddie but is too easily defeated and the film wastes a lot of time following dull street kid Joe (Christian Fitzpatrick) and rich orphan Cornelia (Carrie Kei Heim). We’re reminded that the class divide shouldn’t stop kids being friends, but the kids don’t have much to do, other than get kidnapped briefly to give our heroes something heroic to do. Trouble is, none of this is that exciting, save for a last-minute sky chase involving Santa’s sleigh and a flying car that’s over all too quickly.
I can’t knock this film too much, as it certainly means well. It's really not the undisputed classic I lovingly remembered it as but I’m quite sure my Amelia would get a kick out of it, though I don’t look forward to explaining she won’t be getting any magic flying candy this year.
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