Never heard of 2014’s Jingle All the Way 2? I’m not surprised. This Arnie-less sequel is completely forgettable and makes part one seem like a modern classic. I watch this the same day I get my second Covid vaccine, which should feel like a day of optimism and celebration but this cruddy effort brings me down.
This can’t avoid seeming like a cynical cash-grab, a DTV effort produced by WWE studios - yes, the wrestling guys - branching out into the realm of beige family ‘fun’ territory. This one has no connection to part one, other than also being about a dad’s mad dash to grab a must-have toy for his kid in time for Christmas. It’s not awful, just unbearably ‘meh’ It’s the sort of thing you might see on the supermarket budget DVD shelves and think “Huh - I wonder who would ever watch that?” I’ll tell you who - this guy.
This time our hero is Larry (Larry the Cable Guy), a good ol’ American truck driver whose ex-wife has remarried to a wealthy cardboard box magnate. Larry’s worried his young daughter (Kennedi Clements) Noelle is growing to love stepdad Victor (Brian Stepanek) more than him, so in the tradition of Arnie’s crap dad in part one, he sneaks a peek at her secret letter to Santa in order to work out the ultimate gift to get her. This time around the near-unobtainable toy is a crappy looking bear called Harrison.
Victor, who initially seems decent, suddenly turns evil, using all his cunning rich guy powers to stop Larry from getting that bear. That’s one interesting way this film is a bit different, as it’s really all about male insecurity. Though Victor’s loaded, he feels he can’t live up to Larry in Noelle’s eyes as he’s so busy with work, while Larry feels he needs to buy his kid’s love. It’s just a shame that the ensuing story is so dull and uninspired. There’s no superhero battles or man vs. reindeer set pieces here.
‘Highlights’ include various scenes of our hero in naff disguises, riding a mechanical bull and that old chestnut, electrocuting himself with the Christmas lights. Honestly, I literally just watched this thing and I can barely remember a damn thing that happened.
The ending is sweet, if formulaic and I appreciate that there’s zero profanity or violence in it. However, considering the best bit about the first one was the violence, maybe this isn’t a great strategy.
It’s been fascinating delving into this misbegotten world of DTV sequels and realising there really are people who buy and watch this stuff. I’m curious to see what other obscure Christmas franchise entries I can discover. After taking in this one, I can’t agree that subjecting myself to films like this is all that good for my mental health, but I suppose it must stimulate the brain in some way. Jingle 2 is inoffensive with absolutely no edge at all and is thought-provoking only in that it makes you question the mysterious turn of events that led to someone greenlighting this $15million snooze-fest.
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