Our next scarifying yuletide yarn is even sillier and unashamedly so, being as it is a film about a wisecracking killer snowman. That’s right, it’s 1997’s Jack Frost, from director Michael Cooney and it’s an enjoyable load of old cobblers. Right before Christmas, a serial killer named, yes, Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) is being transported to death row when a freak chemical accident sees him reborn as a murderous snowman, complete with unspecified icy magic powers. Why? How? Because the soul is a chemical or something. Just shut up and go with it. Soon Jack is on a revenge spree, offing folk in various imaginative, wintery ways and the only man who can stop him is courageous sheriff Sam (Christopher Allport) who put him behind bars in the first place.
It's a purposefully ludicrous horror comedy that will probably be familiar to anyone who set foot in a Blockbuster Video shop during the late ‘90s. You couldn’t miss this one on the shelves – it was the one with the fancy lenticular hologram sleeve depicting a cute snowman face that would turn into a sharp-toothed ghoul if you moved it a bit and featured the wonderful tagline “He’s chilling…And killing!” I had never fancied watching this, assuming any film that tried this hard to be noticed would suck ass, but it’s not without its charms.
It's clearly very low-budget but has some clever-ish ideas and enjoyable holiday-themed deaths, like a woman killed by decorations and an unfortunate guy beheaded by a toboggan. The opening sequence is impressively festive too, with the credits hand-painted onto baubles on a Christmas tree that the camera swooshes around while a narrator tells the tale of Jack’s original murder spree. It’s a nice touch, though the film that follows is rather mean-spirited, including an infamous and totally gratuitous rape scene that goes too far, pushing the film over the edge into unappealing bad taste. The moment in question is deliberately cartoonish and absurd, but the indication that poor Shannon Elizabeth is being violated by Jack’s carrot while being rammed against a wall is graphic, sadistic and basically too much.
Thankfully, that’s as bad as it gets, with the majority of the movie being tongue-in-cheek and enjoyably preposterous. Supreme daftness ensues with the townsfolk coming up with various zany traps to try and defeat the snowy slaughterer, involving hairdryers, lots of hairspray and a trailer full of anti-freeze. In the movie’s oddest plot point, the goodies figure out how to stop Jack because they accidentally pelt him with a weird porridge mixture the sheriff’s son made him that happens to have anti-freeze in it. Apparently, the kid put it in there because he wanted to keep his daddy warm, though the boy is at least ten years old and must surely know that would kill him. Keep an eye on that creepy urchin – I’m left wondering if he’s caught that virus from The Children.
There are some neat ideas that the film’s budget can’t quite do justice, like Jack melting into a puddle to sneak under doors, T-1000-style, and periodically sprouting icicles to use as weapons. Of course, it all looks just crappy enough to be a total hoot and is done with a dumb but earnest spirit that should likely appeal to the festively baked Harold & Kumar… crowd.
They try really hard to give Jack some memorable one-liner zingers, but these mostly fall flat and don’t make much sense, like when he shouts “Don’t eat yellow snow!” after stowing away in some guy’s guts then being vomited up. He didn’t eat him and he’s not yellow. Sheesh, even shouting something like “Freeze a jolly good fellow!” would work better. Still, there’s something strangely compelling about the whole thing and the film’s cheesy keyboard score, composed of atonal versions of Christmas carols, adds atmosphere and earns them extra yuletide points for effort.
It's a load of absurd, but tackily chucklesome rubbish that I find myself enjoying, not just because of it’s willful silliness, but also due to the magnificent feat that they managed to get such a ludicrous film made at all. I watch this on the warmest day of the year so far, which lends it some extra weirdness and I’m pleased to discover it spawned an even more ridiculous sequel that I will be tracking down ASAP. More on that later…
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