It's getting increasingly hard to squeeze in a festive film every damn day of the week and I'm often having to find sneaky ways to excuse myself for an hour and a half. With that in mind, I find myself watching the last of the ‘kids’ films,’ I’ll Be Home for Christmas from the safety of the downstairs toilet – the last vestige of sanctity in this house. This one is a 1998 star vehicle for one-time teen heart-throb Jonathan Taylor Thomas who plays Jake, a cocky college student trying to get home for, you guessed it, Christmas. Trouble is, Jake’s a ducking and diving con merchant and has received his comeuppance by being dumped by the vengeful football team in the middle of the desert, glued into a Santa suit. So, with no money, no ID and looking mental, he has to make his way across the country to New York in time to receive the fancy car his dad has promised him if he turns up on time. If that’s not enough, Jake’s girlfriend Allie (Jessica Biel) is on a road trip to catch up with him, but sharing a car with his sleazy rival Eddie (Adam LaVorgna) who's waiting to make his move.
It's more typical silly Disney fun, but I find it problematic as Jake is a cocky asshole, yet we’re expected to root for him. He’s a teenage grifter in the Ferris Bueller mode, but nowhere near as charming. He’s pissed with his dad (Gary Cole) because he remarried so soon after his mom died, but the kid is so whiny and unreasonable and treats his saintly, supportive girlfriend poorly. Allie implores him to take her home to meet the family, but he knocks her back, yet he’s willing to do it for a car? Screw this guy.
The film’s morals are rather muddled – I think this is supposed to be a heartwarming tale about learning to be kind and honest, yet Jake only manages to make his journey by lying and conning more people and any lessons learned are by accident. When he’s caught speeding, Jake deceives a cop by telling him he’s on the way to help some orphans, leading to the cop personally chaperoning him to the orphanage where he ends up really helping out. That kind of thing. He even steals Santa’s sleigh at one point, which is never cool.
I find myself really hoping he won’t get the car and that Allie will dump his ass. But, of course, the film makes you want him to make it home, if only to make his estranged family happy. Biel, in a really early role, is easily the best thing in the film, giving a strong performance as the sassy, tenacious but long-suffering partner who sees some good in him, but won’t stand for his crap.
The film is never boring and manages to put Jake and co into loads of entertaining, if improbable situations, like a bus full of Tom Jones-loving pensioners, a crazy German liederhosen-themed hotel, a Christmas parade and a scheme involving a liver transplant. There’s lots to enjoy and it’s all very tongue-in-cheek, but I get irritated as people seem to fall for Jake’s half-baked schemes far too easily. I keep reminding myself that this is a kid’s film and, even if it is pretty dumb, it’s certainly entertaining. I just wish that Jake was less of a preppy Zack Morris type douchebag though I’m glad he eventually learns to be at least a partly decent human being.
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