And so we reach the last of our yuletide tales of terror and we’re going out with a total bona fide classic. It’s the fourth highest grossing movie of 1984 and it feels a little weird watching it as part of this quest, as it’s a film I’ve seen dozens of times, basically because it’s awesome. Gremlins from master of the macabre Joe Dante follows a Christmas that will forever haunt the dreams of geeky but sweet bank worker Billy (Zach Galligan) after his father gifts him a super-cute furry little creature called a ‘mogwai’ he picked up in Chinatown. We saw earlier that the scary old shopkeeper really didn’t want to sell adorable Gizmo and we quickly find out why. These careless westerners are warned to follow three strict rules: 1. Don’t get ‘’em wet; 2. Keep em away from bright lights; 3. Do NOT feed ‘em after midnight.
Naturally all these rules are promptly broken and soon there’s a squad of vicious, razor-toothed, yet oddly hilarious green-skinned slimy little bastards storming the town. This caused quite a stir back in the ‘80s, being heavily marketed on the cuteness of the mogwai, but cheekily concealing the ball-tingling terror of the savage goblins they turn into.
Dante had already established himself as a major horror force after Piranha, The Howling and Twilight Zone: The Movie, but this was something else. It’s an admirable achievement, with some amazing effects set-pieces involving hundreds of puppets with bags of personality engaging in some scary, but also manic, Looney Tunes-inspired violent comic hijinks.
It’s great fun, but legitimately frightening at times. The classic scene where the newly-hatched gremlins go after Billy’s mum (Frances Lee McCain) in her kitchen is a seriously petrifying, violent moment that’s stayed with me. It’s invigorating to see her fight back and mess these little bastards up using various kitchen utensils – it’s impossible to forget death by microwave or juicer.
However, the film’s big set-piece in a bar tended by Billy’s gal pal Kate (Phoebe Cates) is probably the standout. Poor Kate is stuck serving drinks to dozens of creatures who have somehow found clothes, sunglasses and cigarettes and are determined to have a good time. It’s tongue-in-cheek, but also a tour de force of practical effects, though I could do without the grim, trenchcoat-wearing flasher gremlin.
The puppets are amazing, the story is smart and original and the setting is brilliantly festive. The idyllic, snow-covered Kingston Falls is quaint and Christmassy as hell and introduced to us while Darlene Love belts out ‘Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)’ over the opening titles. It feels like the setting for a Hallmark cheese-fest, making it the perfect place for an all-out, nightmarish monster attack.
This is a classic example of the sort of unforgettable ‘80s effects-heavy films that Hollywood doesn’t dare to make anymore. A remake of this would be CGI heavy and totally lack the charm and spirit that Dante managed to conjure up here. You can really feel that a lot of blood, sweat and tears went into making this. I’m gushing, but there’s a reason this is so highly-regarded. This came out the same day as Ghostbusters and more than held its own.
The film’s place in pop culture history is assured, while carrying a powerful message about thinking twice before getting someone an exotic pet – or any pet – as a Christmas gift. This makes me think of how my wife essentially starved her rabbit to death and how she never feeds the fish. As the old Chinese man at the end of Gremlins says – “Not ready.” A mogwai is for life, not just for Christmas.
And so, another month has passed and another leg of my festive film quest has been completed. I must admit, I’ve mostly enjoyed the yuletide horror segment and watching so many of these blood-curdling holiday-themed flicks in quick succession has really helped me see why this sub-genre has become so popular. Christmas horror can really get under the skin and prey on our fears and anxieties that surround the season. Christmas certainly isn’t the happiest time of the year for everyone and these movies often seek to remind us of the very real epidemics of homelessness, loneliness and poor mental health that can be brushed under the carpet during the holidays. To put it bluntly, Christmas and all the extra hassle that comes with it can drive us all a little mad. Perhaps Christmas horror movies in some ways help us work out the issues and unease that bubble away in our subconscious, allowing us some measure of control over the less enjoyable aspects that seep into the holiday. Or, more likely, it’s probably just that these movies tend to be fun, exhilarating and a welcome break from the usual torrent of festive mushiness. We watch Christmas horror movies because, occasionally, it can be fun to be frightened, but more often than not we watch them because they’re a damn sight more stimulating than anything on the Hallmark channel.
I guess the whole idea of me doing this movie challenge has been to see just how watching Christmas films all the time might help improve my general mood and outlook on life. Right now, I can’t say for sure how that’s going as I’m pretty sure that the so-called ‘experts’ who prescribed the holiday-movies-any-time-of-the-year treatment probably didn’t have psycho Santa slasher films and tales of ghouls, gremlins and nude Clint Howard in mind at the time. The month sure has been interesting and has felt like less of a chore than probably the Hallmark and kiddie films did. However, watching wall-to-wall dark, freaky flicks every day at the time of year where the sun has started to put his hat back on has definitely felt unusual. Christmas movies have now just become an accepted part of my daily routine and, if nothing else, the horror films have helped keep things interesting for me, stopping this whole thing from getting stale too soon. It sure has added a wee bit of festive spice to my eggnog, even if I have started to feel a little Claus-trophobic. Ho ho ho!!!
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