There’s a glimmer of hope in the world as I start the third month of my festive filmic crusade. Her Majesty the Queen has announced in interviews that she has received her Covid vaccination, is doing well and that citizens shouldn’t be afraid to get jabbed too. It’s a step in the right direction as I’ve found myself dismayed at the amount of misinformed naysayers, ‘anti-vaxxers’ and general loonies spreading misinformation all over the internet, as if the presence of an incurable virus that could kill us all isn’t quite scary enough. It seems we live in a very mad world indeed where people seem to want to find reasons to disagree with pretty much everything and start fights in empty rooms.
In a time when we’re all just trying to survive the apocalypse, everyone seems to be hell bent on being pissed off with everyone else.
It's enough to make you want to scream, lash out and just do something a bit naughty. Thank heaven then that my next Christmassy category is ‘Adult/Mature’ films. After a solid month of (mostly) innocent child-friendly fare, I’m in need of an antidote to the warm fuzzy safeness. I need to get down and a bit dirty. But not too much. That wouldn’t be very Christmassy.
What better way to start than with Terry Zwigoff's delightfully debauched cult favourite Bad Santa (2003)? Billy Bob Thornton stars as Willie, a miserable, foul-mouthed alcoholic conman who, along with his similarly potty-mouthed diminutive ‘elf’ partner Marcus (Tony Cox) tries to rob a mall at Christmas. Things get complicated when he accidentally befriends a troubled 8-year-old boy ( Brett Kelly). It’s got the makings of a touching tale of redemption, but boy does the film go the other way.
After a month of mostly cutesy kids’ movies, an opening montage of ‘Santa’ thieving, drinking, swearing, fornicating and eventually peeing himself is hilarious but also pretty jarring. Willie is a total mess and, though he sort of comes good by the end, it’s doubtful if he’s really learned that much. As Marcus delights in informing him, his “soul is dog shit, everything about you is ugly.” He’s not far off.
There is something exceptionally daring about a holiday film focusing on such a total scumbag as its protagonist. I find myself not rooting for him, but morbidly watching on just to see what crazy thing he does next. My favourite is probably roaring at a child who dares approach him on his “f***in’lunch break.” Or maybe when he gets ‘romantic’with a ‘large’ woman in the changing room.
The cast, also featuring John Ritter as Willie’s nervous boss Bob and Bernie Mac as a less-than-honourable store detective is brilliant. Mac somehow manages to make a scene where he eats an orange totally threatening and loaded with menace.
The film does a great job capturing how depressing the mall Santa job must be, especially if your heart’s not in it and Willie’s drunken bemusement when he has no idea what weird toys the kids are harping on about is priceless.
His scenes with ‘the kid’, awesomely named Thurman Murman, are also captivatingly uncomfortable and weird. Willie initially plans to take advantage of the boy, who is clearly ‘on the spectrum’ and seems to genuinely believe he is the real Santa, by moving into his house and eating all his food. In a traditional festive flick, ‘Santa’ would make friends with the boy and take him under his wing. Not here – to Willie, the kid, at least initially, is ‘a mark.’ He does, however, gradually become Thurman’s sort of badass guardian even if he is visibly, painfully reluctant to properly befriend the kid. He seems actively pissed off when the boy hand crafts him a bizarre wooden Christmas present – we all know that feeling, like when someone at work gets you a gift you didn’t ask for. The feeling is ‘what, do I need to buy you something back now? Jesus…’
Brett Kelly is quite a find, creating a truly odd and unusual character via a totally deadpan performance, muttering surreal nonsense about ‘talking walnuts’ and such. It’s not just the film’s willful crudeness that makes it so memorable, but its distinctive, odd characters. Gilmore Girls’ Lauren Graham has a supporting role as Willie’s love interest, a beautiful woman who should really want nothing to do with this lowlife, but has some serious issues and a real ‘thing’ for Santa. The fact that Graham is normally known for playing wholesome roles makes it all the more naughty and hilarious.
Interestingly, this is also a cautionary tale that reminds us that Christmas time is a time when opportunistic villains come out of the woodwork and attempt to take advantage of the trappings of the season. But that makes the film sound more serious than it is. Bad Santa is a total hoot, if you like your comedies dark as the winter night. What other yuletide classic would end with a child scrubbing a puddle of blood, wearing a T-shirt that reads ‘Shit happens when you party naked’? I rest my case.
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