1986’s Babes in Toyland, featuring a very young Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore is another one that I can’t believe has ended up on ‘worst ever’ lists because - whisper it - I frickin’ love it. This tale of Barrymore’s adorable urchin waking up in the realm of Toyland is super earnest, cheesy and unashamedly kitsch but is also a lot of fun with an irresistible lead performance from the child star in her ambrosial mid-’80s prime. To be fair, this may have been a victim of that ghastly modern trend of bashing big movie stars for the weird, embarrassing films they made when they were starting out. Keanu heartily sings and dances throughout, much at odds with his contemporary action heartthrob image. However, it’s difficult to laugh too hard at the Matrix man, as he’s so totally committed to the dual roles he plays here.
The film is a surreal, loose take on the 1903 operetta by Victor Herbert and goes more for a Wizard of Oz kind of vibe. Modern kid Lisa Piper (Barrymore) is zapped off to Toyland in what may or may not be a dream after tumbling out of her sister Mary (Jill Schoelen)’s jeep that’s being driven by friend Jack (Reeves) in the middle of a snowstorm. Brilliantly this happens right in the middle of everyone singing an entirely unexpected, majorly cheesy song about their hometown, Cincinnati. Keanu sings so zealously that he loses control of the car, nearly causing the death of 11-year-old Lisa, who really should be wearing a seatbelt. It’s mental but also quite brilliant and there’s a clip of it on Youtube that you should go and watch right now.
In Toyland all Lucy’s friends and family are re-cast as nursery rhyme or fairytale characters, like Mary Contrary, Mother Goose, Jack Be Nimble and so on. Mary and Jack’s creepy, penny-pinching department store boss is brilliantly recast in Toyland as the evil ‘Barnaby Barnacle’, a delicious baddie who demands Mary marry him or he’ll destroy the kingdom. He’s all pantomime scowls and cackles, but it’s perfect for this fairytale silliness.
Lisa breaks up Barnaby’s marriage to Mary, inspires Jack to stand up to him and kicks off a revolution. Not bad for an 11-year-old. Enraged, Barnaby stitches up Jack for grand cookie theft, leaving young Lisa to rally the good citizens and save the day, with a little help from The Karate Kid’s Mr Miyagi himself, Pat Morita as ‘The Toy Master’ and his handy army of wooden soldiers.
One of the strangest moments sees Lisa freeing the goodies from an evil spell by singing, yes, the ‘Cincinnati’ song. Sing it with me: "Cincy's more than merely natty — she's Ohio's Maserati! Cincinnati is at the centre of the scene."
I do have a soft spot for films like this that feel like a lot of hard work went into making them. The production values are decent, with lovely costumes and gorgeous, imaginative sets, including an awesome house that looks like a giant bowling ball. Though the makeup and effects for the creatures and fairytale characters aren’t up to the Jim Henson calibre of top-tier fantasy like Labyrinth, thankfully there’s nothing here as frightening as the monsters in the similarly-themed but much darker Return to Oz.
Maybe I enjoy this because I’m a child of the ‘80s. I’m well aware of its naffness but the whole thing has a carefree spirit that charms me throughout and is buoyed by enjoyable, hard-to-hate performances from Keanu and Drew. It’s cute and fun and though not all that festive, the Toy Master is (SPOILER!!!) revealed to be Santa, so it totally comes full circle as a Christmas movie, albeit one that revolves around a car crash brain injury.
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